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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2009.11.23  00.18 i'm pretty sure i'm just a little paranoid. on a lighter note. . me and kyle went to tampa for the day on friday and he got a side piece... lmao. bitched like a little girl. but it was cute. i felt like i didnt have time to even pee. . cuz when i drove there, i had to drop kyle off at leifs shop and then go pick my sister up and go to the movies and then drop her off.. go back to leifs shop.. pick him and my brother up from then and drop him off at his house.... then drive home. EXAUSTING DAY.

	2009.11.18  14.06 i feel bad not being so supportive or more like enthusiastic about my boyfriends band... its sad but i just dont feel like going thru all of that. im not goingto be jealous. i'm not going to hold you up like a god. i'm not going to do anything. I will be supportive. I enjoy your music but just idk. . i've been thru this beforee. and i'm not saying that its not worth it this time but it wasnt last. i do miss going to shows but i dont miss everything else that comes with them. <3 u for you.. not your band.

	2009.11.05  13.34 usnmw (n?) guess the meaning.

	2009.07.21  14.10 I AM TIRED OF TAKING A CHANCE ON PEOPLE. You're about to have to take a chance on me. I dont give a fuck anymore. so its your choice.... am I worth it? we'll see.

	2009.06.06  21.42 its interesting watching boys turn into men. you dont see it until after it over and it kinda makes you sad. where did you come from? I'm still stuck.

	2009.06.04  21.52 I'm stoked for this weekends adventure. meet me at busch gardens?

	2009.05.03  18.56 let it gooooooo. and live

	2008.12.24  15.09 dude christmas makes me so sad. i miss what was but I'm excited about what will beeeeee. I cant wait for my man friend to come back from Peru. I misss himmmmmmmmm and his kisses. ok well my brothers in town so I'm going to go spend time with him. <3 <3 <3

	2008.12.08  00.56 i went on my first motorcycle ride today and it was scary as fuck. so I went to the hospital 2 days ago... funny because the blog before this says my body loves me.... obviously i was wrong. anyways, I dont really feel like getting into that right now. freddy is leaving for peru on thursday for a month. This is going to suck. =/ we hang out every day. . Now I have to find something to distract me so I think I'm going to start working out and learn spanish. woo

	2008.12.04  15.29 i shave my legs and use lotion every day now. my body loves me! hah . jasson is coming back.... I'm not excited at all! uuggh.

	2008.12.01  13.07 so last week was soooooooooooooo much fun! I'm glad I got to see my brother =]]]]]]] and other people. I want to go dancing again. oh and me and marissa are moving in together probably.

	2008.11.27  13.35 ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I'm excited but nervous... I dont know about this. ! eeek. quiero besar los labios. =) gah.

	2008.11.25  10.19 lol uuuuummmmm. if you're trying to come back to something i said to you. If you're trying to make me look bad, which you were... YOU SHOULD MAKE IT SO PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND AT LEAST THE GIST OF IT. some sentences didn't make sense.. . I wont even say anything about your spelling. Its just hard for me to take you serious if its like that.. thats all. hah. you fit your age well sir. oh and its funny how I was the terrible one... when I remember doing everything for you.. when we werent even going out. I would buy you smokes, lunch,dinner, food for your house. Drive everywhere. Give your friends rides everywhere. Clean your house. Stay with you every day, every night. Pretty much everything. thats why I dont understand why you think you have the right to be mad. because we werent even going out and I treated you so good & you accuse me of flirting with your friends? I was with you ALL OF THE TIME! you're just overly jealous. That has nothing to do with me. Thats all you. I love how all I do is give and give and give and its never enough. People dont care about the good things that you've done. They hear one thing and all of those good things, they dont matter anymore. That one little thing is way more believeable then what is right infront of them. Why should they trust you? You only showed them every single day that your trustworthy. So that is why I said grow up. That is why I'm telling you you dont think for yourself. If you just opened your eyes. . you would realize that you have nothing to be mad at me for. I dont even know why I'm still on this subject. I guess its the fact that I'm mad now. I cant believe this wasnt let go. Go ahead. Keep fighting me with words. I wont run out. Mood: pissy Music: men; the Dodo's

	2008.11.24  01.02 awesome awesome awesome awesome. I love love love how there is a rumor going on about me and elex right now. want to hear whats funny.... the rumor is that we went to the movies. thats all. and Ryan is flipping shit. Its also funny because ryan hasnt talked to me since we decided to just be friends. He said that we were ok and he understood and then he tells everyone else that we're cool. Like if he were to see me at a party or something, it would be fine because he's ok to hang out and stuff.. yet, he hasnt answered my phone calls or comments on myspace or anything like that. . . ooooooooooooooooook. right. we're fine. sure. so you cant be my friend but you can sure as hell be mad at me for a rumor going on about me. another thing. Elex is my friend. he's my friend and I can hang out with him if I want. If we want to see a movie together.. we can. but we didnt go to the movies so you're dumb. ( you as in everyone) we went to justins house one night...? this so dumb. I dont care enough about any of you to defend myself. I have no respect for you and you obviously dont have any for me. sorry your lives arent interesting and you get bored easily so you have to start rumors about me. is it because I'm new? or because you're jealous. . just wondering. I dont have time for this stupid little shit. I'm not going to feel bad because of people I dont even hang out with. This isnt worth my time. Mood: fucking ass holes

	2008.11.21  11.59 3454565769898756423 the bridge was closed last night.... found that out when I tried to go over it and found out I couldnt go home at 4 in the morning. sucked. so I spent the night at my friend justins. I'm so glad my friends are insomniacs. the bad thing was, his heater is broken. so It was really really really cold. I had fun with marissa last night. <3 oh and I ran out of cat food and she gave me some . . so pretty much saved kitty life. lol today I'm cleaning out my car. and getting pretty for work. wearing my fav sweater. the brown and tan one that I used to always wear. I love this weather. have tomorrow off and I'm not going to tampa. . unless my brother needs a ride here for thanksgiving. (which he's probably not coming. . ) so who wants to hang out with me?>!??!!? =] no one probably gets on these things anymore. but yeah, anyways. bye Mood: amused Music: taylor swift; the way I loved you.

	2008.08.22  18.33 whats up with me being clingy? forever I pushed people away and now I' holding as tight as I can... sufficating them. I need to learn how to be in between. hurricane made me miss 3 days of work... thats a huge chunk off my paycheck! I mean I loved not working but I would much rather work then sit on the computer all day and not have any money and owe the bank.

	2008.07.28  12.26 whWHAT THE FUCK HI I'M KELSEY. AND BECAUSE I GOT SCREWED OVER AND HURT SOOO BAD, I HAVE TO FUCK UP EVERY GUY THAT GETS CLOSE TO ME. I'M INCAPABLE OF LOVING, GETTING CLOSE TO SOMEONE, OR LETTING SOMEONE LOVE ME. I DONT WANT TO BE NEEDED I DONT WANT TO BE WANTED. I JUST WANT TO ENJOY WHATEVER IT IS I'M DOING THAT MOMENT. WHY DOESNT ANY ONE UNDERSTAND. WHY DONT THEY LISTEN WHEN I WARN THEM. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU/ME. DAMNIT. what am I supposed to do. its not fair. I wish I never met brent cuz maybe I would be able to have an actual relationship. you know,one that's good. and he wouldnt be sad about whatever he's sad about and he could live his life and I could live mine. ggahhh.

	2008.07.07  15.12 mmmmmmmmmmmmmm Sometimes, I hate myself.. why do I always have to ruin a good thing. I feel so bad.

	2008.06.30  18.14 who lies in their journals? I used to. I would never put something if it showed me being weak.. or if it made someone I cared about look bad. & thats why everyone else thought that I was the bitch in my last relationship. because I would never say anything bad about him. they only saw half of the story. I guess I always thought that he would stick up for me like I did him or he would talk me up like I did him. or I wanted to believe he would. but he wouldnt even do that when I was in the room. it was always my fault. I just asked for sooo much. I mean come on, who asks for time w/ their significant? a bitch right? he never included me in anything. I felt like I was just supposed to sit in the corner while he did whatever he wanted. I was always alone and even when he was home, he wasnt really there. He didnt want to go do anything with me. He didnt want to talk. He would say " I'm not good at talking" but its not that hard to tell someone about your day. He had NO idea how it felt to be alone.. I had NO friends no family. I would just go to work every day and come home and clean or sleep. I was so pathetic. so if you think I'm a terrible person for not going back to that, you're crazy. I'm not saying it was always bad for us. the three years that we went out, about two of the years were good. I dont know what happened. He just didnt appreciate me. now I have people who love hanging out with me and its because I found myself again. I was so caught up in trying to make him still love me or trying to make him happy, that I forgot about myself. and people have noticed. they tell me how happy I seem and how I just have a totally dif. energy to me. & how I'm more fun now. its funny how he was the one who broke up w/ me. I was the one who begged him for 4 months to come back to me and he refused. he was the one who told me he didnt think we would ever get back together but as soon as I found myself and became happy again for the first time in a long time, he was crying his heart out telling me that he was scared in the beginning and thats why he treated me bad and he hated himself and thats why he treated me like crap in the end. and that he was ready to love me now. so I should just go running back to him... I dont think so. he is a nice guy to everyone else and I'm sure he's changed like he said he has but its just a little hard to believe. I'm not a bitch. I hope he finds some girl and they treat each other right. I hope he gets over me and starts his guitar making company w/ his stepdad. I hope he has a great life. just like I hope I do too.

	2008.06.16  00.15 So I got everything out of the truck and now all I have to do is unpack. I have to do so much laundry, its not even funny. So I called and talked to Ben today and when I called, they were all at jasons house.. all of the sudden I hear "Is that kelsey!!?! I want to talk to her!" the phone got passed to like 5 people and everyone told me how much they missed me and how they wished I was there. =[[ THEN!! Then Hunter played me a song and everyone in the room sang to me. IT WAS FREAKIN SWEET. My moms bestfriend wrote me a check for 50 bucks for my birthday.Its going towords my "I miss everyone sooo much and sometime soon, I'm going to surprise ben and come back for a week" fund.. DONT TELL HIM I'M COMING SOON. I'm really going to try to keep it a surprise. He wrote me this note and gave it to me before I left. Needless to say, its really cute and I'm thinking about hanging it in my closet.. ok goodnight lj. Mood: creepy

	2008.06.09  12.30 mmmm uuuuuugh my stomach hurts so bad. I hate alone time because all I do is think about shit. it sucks. Anyways, I'm leaving in 5 days and thats pretty fucking exciting. My mom called me today and told me that there is a position open in her department at the hospital. (so thats awesome!!) I would make atleast 10 bucks an hour. Which means I'll actually be able to come visit everyone sometime. I'm anxous for my birthday and to move. AND I'M FREAKIN EXCITED FOR SCHOOL. Its about time!!!! Mood: tired of people

	2008.05.27  11.35 why is it so hard for people to tell the truth.

	2008.04.19  20.18 let me out I feel like I'm a secret. I think I'm leaving. you dont know who you are. what you want. what we are. its not fair to me. bye Mood: anxious

	2008.04.08  20.31 life updates my life is pretty good right now except for being in debt.. and not knowing my exact living arrangements for the future. aside from that, My life is pretty great. My relationship with Brent is even better then before. I actually have friends again so I'm not so irritable any more. My job isnt so terrible. My car is getting fixed soon. AANNDD I get to see william soon!

	2008.04.06  21.52 someone really close to me has been going through alot lately. Him and his girlfriend just broke up recently and yesterday the gf had a miscarriage ( she didnt even know she was pregnant) so yeah, please keep them in your prayers. thankyou